- Research shows social-emotional principles are important for learning
- CASEL worked with ISBE to form standards for IL. IL was first state to have SEL mandates- Last year started piloting SEL programs in the district, more to come Ed Dunkelblau, PhD., Institute for Emotionally intelligent Learning,www.TEACHEQ.com
-“Successful Parenting, Successful Children”
- Not every district has SEL programs, good that our district is paying attention to this topic
- Recommended reading: 1) Mindset, smart is not enough, 2)Emotionally Intelligent Parenting, what do I do when?
- List of traits for successful vs, unsuccessful people: integrity, energetic,communicative, empathetic, focused, perceptive, happy, confident, passionate,proactive, ambitious, driven, creative, perseverance, humble, selfless, visionary,opportunistic, compassionate, self-aware, optimistic, intelligent. Most descriptors (85%)are social-emotional skills. Researchers (Daniel Goleman) took 5 yrs to determinesuccess is determined by 80% social-emotional/20% other traits/skills. For highestachievers (CEOs, superintendents), ratio is 95% social-emotional.
- What do marshmallows and SAT scores have in common?
o EQ test for children: Can you handle anger? Can you self-soothe? Can youread feelings? Can you delay gratification?
o Video: Candy test
– can they wait 5 mins? Those who can’t wait were more likely to be in jail 25 yrs later.
o In same study, students who could wait had SAT scores 200+ pts higher, onaverage.
o Children of any age (until early 20s) can learn these skills. Younger kids aremore impressionable. Some kids are more naturally impulsive.
- Key skills in SE character development:
o Self-awareness: what am I feeling, and why?
o Self-regulation: express self, control impulses
o Self-monitoring: set short and long-term goals
o Empathy and Perspective: good listener, empathy, change perspective
o Handling Relationships: managing emotions, sensitivity to social cues,respond constructively and creatively to obstacles, social decision-making andproblem-solving skills
- Parents and schools must work together to address issues
o Kids today are exposed to information that is unedited by a caring adult
– internet, tv, written materials
–reality tv sends messages inconsistent with SE traits
- The 24 carat rule
o Do unto your children as you would have others do unto your children
- Emotionally Intelligent parents should:
oEmphasize your child’s strengths
oListen to your child’s feelings – ask neutral, curious, interesting questions
o Listen to your own feelings –take time to calm down, respond less impulsively
o Apologize when you lose your temper
o Maintain your sense of humor – very few situations don’t improve with humor
- How to talk so your children will NOT think
o Tell them exactly what you think all the time
o Evaluate their statements and ideas: label them as “good” or “bad”
o “When I was your age…”
o Never allow them to make mistakes
o Never repeat yourself
o Always be serious
o Constant intervention is same as too much sanitizer – doesn’t allow them to develop
- How to talk so your children WILL think
o Everyday Principles
o Questioning techniques
§ Open-ended questioning
§ Two-question rule
§ Columbo technique – ask a question, wait, ask another question
o Tips for the long-run
§ Patience and persistence
§ Flexibility and creativity – find a new way if the old way isn’t working
§ Developmental adaptation – take into account your child’s age
- Nine Step Problem-Solving Method
1. Identify your feelings
2. Calm yourself down
3. Identify the problem
4. Set a goal - reachable, rational, realistic
5. Think of possible solutions
6. Consider the pros and cons of each solution
7. Pick your best solution
8. Plan it and scan it for difficulties
9. Do it and review it
-Don’t Tell--Ask. Invite information
-“Children Don’t Test Limits, They Seek Them,” M. Elias (author of Raising Emotionally Intelligent Teenagers)
- Children catch social-emotional character from adults around them, they modelbehavior they see
- Good developmental books: Between Parent and Child,Between Parent andTeenager
- Research on 200 different SEL programs consistently shows:
o Test scores, grades go up
o Drugs, violence go down